


206 - Demisexual Reader

by storiesaboutvan



Category: Catfish and the Bottlemen (Band)
Genre: Cute meet, F/M, Fluff, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 19:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17392733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesaboutvan/pseuds/storiesaboutvan
Summary: Filling the prompts “one where there is a girl who cannot feel love and stuff in romantic way but cares about her friends and family loads. Like there had been guys wanting to date her, but she had always turned them down, friedzoned them because she cannot force herself into relationship where she does not feel anything. But she meets Van and it changes. Something comforting/soothing/fluff” and “a bit in a fic where the reader and van are standing in rain and talking about being in love forever?”Bonus mini-request for @el-o-quent of the Do The Evolution music video making an appearance. Second bonus mini-request for a demisexual Reader.





	206 - Demisexual Reader

**Author's Note:**

> 1) The friendzone isn't real. 2) The cookie scene is based on a real-life Van moment.

The ladybug had crawled across the page of your book and onto your skin. You sat up from where you were lying on the grass and shook your hand gently. The bug wouldn't budge. "Go on, fly," you whispered to it. When it stayed still, you sighed and threw your book and iPod in your bag. You found a tree and pressed your hand to the trunk in an attempt to make the bug go home. Slowly, it did. "Not so hard, huh?" you asked it. Watching it for a second, you wondered if it had a proper home. Where do ladybugs sleep? Do they sleep? Do any bugs sleep? The cool of the tree's shade kept you there, and you sat and let your gaze follow the path of the bug. It was hypnotic and calming, but then all of a sudden, it wasn't.

A dog came bounding over, it yapped at you, then at the tree. Before you could stop it, the dog accidentally sucked up the ladybug. It was probably just sniffing the bark, searching for marks left by other dogs, but in one small movement all your heroic work was eaten up. "Oh no!" you cried louder than probably necessary, standing up. A guy came running over. 

"Mary!" he called to the dog, and the small ball of ladybug killing fluff ran to him. He scooped Mary up in his arms and glanced over at you. He read your sad expression and came closer. "Hey. Sorry 'bout her. Did she break somethin' or something?" he asked, but you didn't know what he meant. "Heard you say 'oh no' just then," he continued. 

"Oh. Yeah. Um. The dog ate my ladybug," you replied, your tone weirdly calm and casual. The boy smiled, but it quickly dropped when he couldn't work out what emotion you were experiencing. 

"Mary ate your ladybug?" 

"I saved it and put it on the tree, but she came over and accidentally like, inhaled it," you explained. The guy watched you for a second more, and you could see he was another second away from laughing hard. 

"Um... Well... I'm sorry... That's gross... I'd offer to buy you a new ladybug but..." 

It was getting awkward and it should have been funny but you were still in a strange hazy mood and the guy's prettiness had become apparent. Your head tilted to the side and you involuntarily smiled. Twin Peaks. Twilight Zone. Weird moment. 

"Wait. Are you just fucking with me?" he asked, his voice suddenly louder and more confident. 

"What?" 

"Like... What the fuck is happening?" 

You laughed then, and Mary barked at you. You stepped closer and reached out to pat her. "Will she bite?" you asked the guy. 

"Nah. Only goes for bugs apparently," he answered. You scratched her behind the ears and she started to shake with happiness. When the squirming was too much, the guy handed the dog to you. "Just take her," he said with a laugh. You sat on the ground and put Mary in your lap on her back. You tickled her tummy and she rolled around. 

"Her name's Mary?" you asked the guy. He looked around, smiled to himself, and sat cross-legged opposite you. 

"Yeah. Little Mary. I'm Van." 

You glanced across at him. 

"Y/N. I don't know what the ladybug's name was."

Van smiled. "You're dead weird, you know that?" 

"That's a rude thing to say to a stranger," you replied, not in the least bit offended. 

"Don't mean it in a bad way."

You played with Mary for a solid ten minutes while Van asked you questions and you replied with minimal information. Never an open book, you were apprehensive to share too much. 

When the sky turned dark and people in the park started to pack up, you and Van stood. He clipped Mary's lead to her collar but picked her up anyway. 

"So... I should probably make it up to you, the whole ladybug thing. Do you maybe wanna get dinner or somethin' this week?" 

"Like... a date?" you asked. When he nodded, you considered it, despite having given up on dates long ago.

You'd given the whole thing a proper go, mostly out of fear of being anything other than what the world would’ve had you believe was normal. You tried to get crushes on people. You tried to feel anything more than friendship. But, that fire never burned in you. More than capable of love, you worshipped your friends and family and had learned to be content in that; you had kind of given up on the whole romantic love thing.

It was there though, standing in front of Van. An unidentifiable warmth you'd never felt. How did it make you feel? Was it hope that bleed out from your heart all the way to your fingertips? Or was that straight up fear shaking your knees? What the absolute fuck was happening?

"Not like a date. An actual date. I'll even bring Mary if it will sweeten the deal," Van said.

After agreeing, you swapped numbers and watched him take a selfie with Mary to use as his contact photo in your phone. His tongue was stuck out just like hers.

That night, as you ate mashed potato on the couch with Theo, your phone buzzed loudly on the coffee table. A picture message from Van. 'Knew I had this somewhere!' he wrote. The photo was of Mary in a little doggo costume. A ladybug. Theo watched you snigger and reply. 

"What the fuck is this? What's this face you got on? Who are you talking to?" she asked. 

"Nobody. Mind your business," 

"Nobody?! You're like... giggling..." 

She watched you out the corner of her eye all night as you and Van sent increasingly more flirtatious messages to one another. When she got up for bed she looked down at your smiley face. 

"Were we wrong then? About you?" she asked. You'd known her since you were both fourteen. Theo had transferred to your high school and was equally as weird as you. Best friends immediately, you'd spent hours talking through all the things you might have been. Not asexual, but not really… any-sexual either. Maybe aromantic. You didn't know. You wanted to believe you just hadn't met the right person, but there was guilt attached to thinking that way. Maybe demisexual. Maybe a whole spectrum of things.

"Maybe..." you replied vaguely, leaving her to wonder and you to contemplate. 

…

Van was leaning against a lamp post when you turned the corner. You watched him smoke the last of a cigarette, then flick the butt into a nearby bin. Seeing him made the catalogue or ex-suitors flick through the front of your mind. All the boys and the girls and the others begging for a chance. All the promises to 'fix you' and be the 'exception.' All the broken hearts you'd left in bedrooms and all the shame about doing it despite not feeling that real attraction. Sex seemed like a normal part of growing up, but it had never felt right. As Van stood up and smiled, all of that was a cold reminder that he probably wasn't going to be any different. But, the warmth was still there. The fast heart and shaking knees and stupid fucking cliché butterflies in the stomach (but you pictured them as ladybugs). Dry mouth. Nervous hands. It was an entirely unfamiliar reaction that made you feel both incredibly normal and not at all like yourself. If nothing else, it was unsettling. 

"Hey!" he greeted when you got close enough. He moved his sunglasses onto his head and they acted like a headband and pushed his hair away from his face. Van hugged you before you could even start to worry about how to greet him normally. Naturally, your arms went around him and his went over you. It wasn't awkward. "So... I know I promised Mary, but she didn't wanna walk, so it's just us. We can go see her later, but. Thought maybe we could just walk around for a bit? This store just down the road got some new vinyl in and stuff. Unless you had something else in mind?" 

He spoke fast and with accent and weird inflection. You wanted to study his speech pattern, analyse all the little quirks. There were more important things to think about in the moment though, like the fact that he'd thought through the date. He'd sat at home and considered what you might like to do. It wasn't like he was the first boy to do that, but it was the first time you cared that a boy did that. 

"Sounds perfect. Up for anything," you replied.

"That is the type of attitude I like, little ladybug," he said, linking his arm with yours.

As Van shopped for records, you found ones with covers consisting of photographs of faces. You held them up against your own, Van laughed with each new presentation.

"Funny, but I like your actual face," he said, taking the record from you and reading the back of it. You watched him for a second before moving away to have a little moment.

The date was easy and you didn't have to monitor your emotions to see if they were normal, if they seemed like something the girl in a romantic comedy would feel. It was definitely a crush. You liked the way Van laughed and how your innate silliness was the same as his.

For the first time in your entire life, when someone else's fingers were threaded through yours, it felt like something.

…

You had tried to keep a list of all the little moments with Van that made you happy. The ones that hurt your heart and made you proud. The list just kept growing though, and soon it was too long to memorise. Instead, you tried to just keep track of the best memory, number one on the list, but even that was difficult. Every date, every phone call, they were all equally good.

There was one night though that would always hold a special place on the list and in your heart. It was the first night you smoked weed together and that probably explained a lot. Van had dragged the mattress into the lounge from his room. You'd cuddled up together and started watching random videos and music clips on YouTube. "Whaaaaaaat," Van said, but it was hardly a sound at all. He didn't pronounce the T, and the A curved upwards. You looked over at him. His eyes were fixed on the screen. Do the Evolution was playing and Van was tripping hard.

"You okay?" you asked him. "Have some water." You handed him the drink bottle that had been sitting on the coffee table pushed out of the way. He took it, not looking away from the screen. "Drink," you ordered, and he nodded and drank, but continued to watch. "What's, ah… going on in ya head?"

"It's just… You know?"

"No," you replied with a giggle.

"Good… good video,"

"Yeah? You like it?"

Van nodded slowly. "It's… the world, you know?"

"The world? Oh, honey. You are so profoundly high right now," you laughed. You sat back up to get the packet of chips from the table. You munched happily for a minute before going to change the video. Van's hand quickly reached out to stop you. You glanced up at him. His eyes had gone all watery and it was hard to know if he was crying or if he'd been staring too intently at the laptop screen.

"I love it," he whispered.

"Okay,"

"I think I love you too," he added. It was a comment made offhandedly and without prior thought. However, it was true.

A funny, sweet little moment that had fuelled the change already taking place in your mind. Your sense of self and identity was rapidly shifting. Scary, yeah. But, with Van, you felt hopeful that whoever you'd find yourself as on the other side would be authentic. At the very least, she'd be loved.

…

"You know, I worked at Subway when I was a kid," you told Van, watching him eat his way through an over-filled foot long. You had met up with him for an impromptu date. Van's friend's band was playing a show, and when you had messaged him saying you were on your way home after dinner with friends, he told you to meet him. He was already eating when you arrived.

"I love Subway,"

"I can see that. You're a simple boy of simple tastes," you replied with a smirk.

"Don't know what you're sayin' but it don't sound nice."

You laughed and reached across the table and wiped chipotle sauce from his lips.

"Why'd you get the oatmeal cookies?" you asked him, opening the small paper bag.

"They're healthier,"

"They really aren't, Van," you laughed.

"Nah. Don't ruin it for me, little fun police ladybug. I can have six of them and it's the same as four of the chocolate ones,"

"Okay, but there are also chocolate ones in here?"

Van put his sandwich down and took the bag from you. He made a sound of interest.

"Maybe the girl has a crush on you?" you theorised, looking over at the counter. A girl with green hair was mindlessly stirring the mashed avocado. Van glanced up, shaking his head.

"Boy served me," he said. The other Subway sandwich artist looked equally as bored, staring into the bread oven. He had his cap on backwards. "Said he liked my accent,"

"Okay. My mistake for makin' an assumption. Maybe the boy has a crush on you."

Van looked over, tilted his head, then shrugged. "Who wouldn't? I'm dead cute," he said, scrunching the scraps of lettuce up in the paper and moving on to his free, ill-gotten free cookies.

It was in that exact moment you felt it. The changing, shifting, internal conflict had ceased. Metamorphosis complete. Really, you were the same as you always wore. You were born to love. But, it took cookie eating, live music worshipping, emoji using Van to bring that out in you.

…

You scrolled through the list again.

"You don't have to pick a label," Theo said, walking behind you and reading the screen.

"But, I just think it would make me feel better to know what I am,"

"Maybe you're not on the list?"

"No, I have to be. I'm different now, so I have to be," you replied quickly. 

Theo was absolutely correct. There were millions of people in the world that had experiences and identities that didn't match with any of the terms on any of the lists. You had wished you could be like them and learn to love your nameless self. Join the unboxed revolution. It was a little like wishing you had faith in some sort of higher power, but knowing you fundamentally did not.

"Then what's wrong with that one about love before sex? Isn't that what you are now?"

"Demisexual. A person that does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection first," you read from the screen.

"Yeah, that. You've always been just a bit too smart and good for the people that we've known, you know? So, you didn't really like them, so obviously you didn't feel love. And now this explains why you couldn't even really just have sex either. But… Van's different, right?"

Theo was implying that you were in love with Van. It was the first time anyone other than Van had really mentioned, asked, implied anything like that. Everyone in your life had been low-key, scared that if they talked about it that you'd freak out and stop seeing him. And, it wasn't really something Van's friends were about to ask about over drinks and pool.

"Yeah… he is…"

"Because…" she prompted.

"I… love him," you finished, voice a whisper. Theo nodded, leaned down and kissed the top of your head.

"Yeah, you fucking do, my demisexual friend. 

…

"It's fuckin' nailin' down," Van commented, walking into the lounge room and falling onto the couch next to you.

"I like it. It's still warm,"

"Yeah. All balmy. Bit weird," he replied.

The afternoon air was heavy with electricity. Lightning cracked through the sky and power went out across the city. There was enough daylight still, but the loungeroom was plunged into a moody orange glow.

"Well," Van said loudly. No more Fifa. "What now?"

"Dunno. Sit here. Listen to the storm," you answered.

Van nodded and pulled you closer to him. He started to hum, which meant he would soon start to sing. His low gravelly voice imitated Morrison and he was reciting Riders on the Storm almost like a spoken word poem. As you listened, you played with his long fingers and traced the visible veins in his hands.

When he got bored of the song, Van sighed and moved your head so you'd be facing him. He kissed the tip of your nose.

"You good?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know… Theo said something the other day, 'bout how you'd figured some stuff out about yourself, or something. I don't know. Just checking you're okay. That we're okay," he said. You kissed him gently.

"Yeah… I… One day I'll explain everything, but yeah, I'm good. More, like, settled in myself, or something. Because of you, and us, or whatever. So… Yeah… I'm good. We are good," you answered, a little muddled. But Van spoke in muddled up phrasing too, so it was received with understanding. He nodded.

You were both quiet for a moment and you watched the rain pour through the window. It was beautiful; you stood to see it better, walking to the window and pressing your face to it. Then, a lightbulb went off above your head like a little Sims' plumbob. Turning around, you grinned at Van. He looked at you confused.

"What?"

"Be right back," you answered quickly, pulling your socks off and running from the room.

"Babe!" Van called out, chasing after you.

"If you're coming take ya socks off!"

Van followed you outside and into the street. The gutters were flooded and the puddles were there in abundance. You stomped through them and looked to the sky to let the rain wash over your face. For a few minutes, Van stood under the almost-dry safety of the doorway. But you were too beautiful, too happy, too lost in the moment for him to not want to touch.

He ran to you and picked you up by the waist, spinning you around and around. You screamed and wrapped your legs around him.

"I love you, ladybug, so fuckin' much," Van said when your feet were back on the ground. You kissed him hard. He was the only person you had ever liked, ever loved, would ever love. That didn't change your identity. He hadn't fixed you. He just helped you figure it all out, like all good love should do.

"I love you too. So fucking much."


End file.
